Drive

I had such an amazing drive home from Plentywood with Cameron. I have had a crush on him and liked him since the first day I met him and David, Colleen, Cameron and I went for lunch. The way he looked into my eyes got me, and I think he may have had a crush on me. Later that week we hung out and it was nice. It was fun seeing him in Plentywood and I could tell by the way he looked into my eyes that he may also be into me a bit. The ride home was awesome though. It was so nice to have a real conversation. It was so refreshing! I wish the trip with him would have been longer and we could have talked more. He is a guy that I could see myself marrying one day. He is smart, driven, is not a big drinker and did not grow up having his parents drink either, he is going back to school to do something with his life, he is honest. I never felt like he was hiding something from me. We have a lot of things in common. I had such great conversations with him that I can't stop thinking about it and him. He was awesome with my boys. He was very natural with them. He is incredibly good looking. So good looking that I don't know that i would ever really have a chance with him. Although I think that he has learned from past relationships, that looks aren't everything. I have been trying to excersice and loose some weight. I would love to go back to Missoula for Easter and be 30 pounds lighter. Then I would have the whole package. I also like that he tries to eat healthy. I think that is very important and have been trying to be better about it and I want to teach my children how to each healthy. He really seems to have the whole package. He has the looks that I am attracted to, he has the bad boy persona, but has grown out of it. He has also lived life, and knows what he wants. I feel like he is someone i could trust, lean on, and know that he would always protect me. I want to feel protected from my husband as I did growing up from my dad. That he won't let anything hurt me and will always be watching my back. If only I wasn't married right now I would have jumped at the opportunity to be with him. It was also weird that I felt comfortable enough to talk to him about somethings that I never would have normally. I feel like my marriage has always had something missing. Mike and I are best friends and I love him dearly, but we are missing that romantic, passionet side. I was trying to remember back to if I ever had butterflies in the stomach when I looked into Mike's eyes, and I don't ever remember having them. I never had that churning and burning in my stomach, turning flush when I looked at him. I miss that so much. I have that with Cameron when I look into his eyes. Everything between us seems so natural and comfortable. Riding in the car yesterday, I looked into his eyes and just turned flush, my stomach tightened and loved feeling that feeling. I have been missing it so much!

I know that he is not ready though for all my baggage that comes with me. I think he is focused on school right now and that is awesome and that is something that really attractes me to him. It makes me much more motivated to go back to school and do the same. I am jealous of him and what he has been able to achieve. I love that he saves his money for things in his future. I wish Mike and I were more that way. I used to be that way, but have changed over time. It makes me want to be that way so much more again. I think the two of us could have an amazing future together. There are guys that I am attracted to, and that is how it started with him, but usually I find reasons why i would never want to be with them. With Cameron the more I am with him and talk to him, the more I think that I could really spend the rest of my life with him. We fit. I really hope that I will get to see him again at Easter, and can make a great impression on him. I want to see that "wow" look on his face when he looks at me. I want him to feel for me the way I feel for him. I would love to send him a message, but am waiting to see whether or not he sends me a message or not. So here is to hoping that I make wise decisions and look at what is right and true for me and my family.